Do you ever tell yourself, “something has to change?” I am sure we have all said or thought this at some point in our lives. This usually comes from a place of stress and anxiety. We feel overwhelmed by the demands of work and life and the tendency is to want to run and make a drastic change. “There has to be an easier way”—or so we think.
All of this stems from a misconception. Turning your attention to the desire to change is only making the situation worse. When you turn to wanting a change, you feed the very symptoms you wish to remove. When we ask for a change, we turn our heads in the very opposite direction we need to look in order to get rid of what is creating the stress and anxiety.
I remember so many times wanting my life to change. SO MANY! And, for some reason, things never got better. In truth, they only got worse. As I mentioned in the last blog, when I was raising my children, I learned checking out or tuning out to escape or run only creates more chaos. This applies to everything in life.
Awareness and Acknowledgement is the First Step
I know you have likely heard at some point, “awareness of the problem is the first and hardest step.” But what do we do with this awareness when we know there needs to be change? I feel it is much harder to welcome and acknowledge the feelings than to simply become aware of them. When we acknowledge, this means we accept and validate it. This can be rather scary.
Now is the time to embrace the feelings or situation we have accepted and acknowledged.
What’s the word again? Embrace… It was the word of the week several blogs ago. We can make it the word necessary to experience life. Embrace it. Welcome it. Love it. Nurture it. The good and the bad. Change cannot happen if you blindly address the situation or feelings at hand. You must have your eyes wide open staring directly at the situation you feel needs changing. Then you must remove yourself from it and celebrate if for all it has given you.
It is about letting go of “you” trying to control it by complaining about it. It is about you letting go of yourself to allow the moment to unfold as it should. This will give you the change you need and it’s very different from running away from the situation.
Michael Singer, author of The Untethered Soul and The Surrender Experiment, says it so beautifully. Here is a quote from an interview:
“If you’re sitting in that place and letting go of the noise inside of you that would pull you out of that place—I don’t care if you’re doing business, if you’re doing relationship, you’re doing meditation, you’re doing nonprofit service, they’re all exactly the same—every single moment you’re coming from the exact same place, which is I’m not listening to my personal self.”
When you can let go of your personal self—the “if onlys” and the “what if’s,” you will find that change will naturally and beautifully open up for you.
Live in the Present and Embrace Everything in Front of You
This is where you will get your answers. If you are clouded by the noise from the past or what you feel the future should be, you will always be searching for change. Searching for answers this way will always lead to disappointment and suffering. If you live in the very moment you are in and embrace it fully, you will find that answers come to you so naturally.
Whenever you feel stuck in the recordings and old patterns in your mind of trying to force change to come, pull yourself out by taking a 1-5 minute break with a dynamic breathing meditation. Dynamic breathing is a type of active meditation. I like to take a walk while keeping my focus only on my breath. This level of focus is challenging, especially if you’re new to the practice. However, you don’t need to worry if you lose focus. Whenever I find myself going back to the noise, I bring my attention back to the count of my breath. This form of mediation always works for me.
Or you can try my favorite dynamic movement from the Conscious Strong™ Foundation Course.
How to Stop Worrying About Things You Can’t Change
Now let’s return to the above. When you learn the tools to take your focus off of you, you will find that your desire for change will diminish over time. You will find gratitude and appreciate every moment in front of you, instead of looking for a way to escape the moment. This makes life beautiful and less full of worry.
There’s a brutal truth in life that some people refuse to accept: You have no control over many of the things that happen in your life. In this article from Psychology Today, you will find some more helpful tips for how to stop worrying.